The Early Bird

Born @ 27 weeks 5 days gestation
1 lb 15 oz, 12.9 inches long

Wow. Over 3 months have passed since we brought Wesley home from the hospital, and almost 6 months have passed since he was born. Most importantly, he is healthy and doing very well. Honestly, on most days, I feel like a shell-shocked zombie.

I don't mean to sound negative (and if you read all the way through, you'll see I'm talking about gratitude) but I am not going to sugar-coat parenthood as constant bliss, the way so many people do. I am going to be real and honest and up front. I knew going into this it was going to be hard. Turns out, I was in no way prepared for how hard it has been (premature rupture of the membranes at 27 weeks 5 days, emergency helicopter ride and c-section, baby in the NICU for 10 weeks, and all this even before we brought our baby home and began our sleepless nights...)

I feel like I am catapaulting through my days and nights at record speed, a whirlwind of working, expressing breast milk, caring for Wesley, going to doctor appointments, and stealing 1-2 hours of sleep when I can. As fast as this pace feels, parts of my heart and mind are still caught in the days just after Memorial Day, hanging in slow motion, in small spaces where I'm still trying to figure out exactly what hit us.


Going Home from the Hospital,
38 Weeks,
6 lb 1 oz

 After ten weeks in the hospital, Wesley came home two weeks before his due date. He weighed just over 6 pounds and he was so tiny in his car seat that we rolled up blankets and placed them around his head. I sat in the backseat with him and I have never been so nervous. It seemed like every little bump jarred him. I know he was nervous because he sucked vigorously on his pacifier the whole way home. When we got home he was wide-eyed for several hours. Our little baby had never known any world except the hospital, and all its alarms, and constant poking and prodding.

I recently saw a Facebook conversation in which some friends were discussing their kids, and one person said, “the nights are long but the years go by fast.” I know exactly what he meant. Fatigue and sleep deprivation have been the hallmark of our lives for six months now, with probably another two months to go before Wesley is even capable of sleeping a 4-6 hour stretch.

Every night when we’re up every few hours, I wonder, how long we can do this? People always say, “sleep when baby sleeps.” I just smile, but I want to say, will you come over and load my dishwasher and do my laundry, so I can sleep when baby sleeps?! Our lives seem chaotic. Some of our loved ones simply can't survive the shock. Our plants are dying. We've lost a starfish. Our cat died (she was 16 years old and in declining health for a while). We're constantly losing ground against the dirty dishes and laundry. I can tell that it will be years before my house is dusted or deep-cleaned in any fashion! Anything beyond the basics is simply unattainable right now. (And boy, did I yearn to make and can some apple butter this year...)



5 1/2 Months Actual,
13 Weeks Adjusted,
11 lb 15 oz

 Just when we start to make some progress with sleeping, or just when I start to feel like I am "getting it," everything changes. I felt like we were just out of the colic phase and starting to develop some longer sleep cycles, when suddenly baby Wesley is a drooling, fist-sucking mess. We feel a tooth coming in! I don’t think I’ve slept more than 2 hours in several weeks…and my bizarre dreams have returned. I dreamed that a cat named “The Struggle for Profound Thought” was perching on my neck at night, and that a co-worker was placing life-size, color cardboard figures of us around the building.

But every day Wesley does something new. It has been amazing to watch him transform from a tiny, sleepy, tube-fed noodle in an isolette to an active little baby who wants to interact with his environment. It’s like receiving a gift every day. He smiles responsively, laughs, holds his head up, kicks his legs in the air, grabs objects, and has started trying to roll on his side. He is strong and healthy. His vision exams have been normal (preemies are at risk for an eye condition called retinopathy of prematurity). He is strong-willed. And loud, opinioned, and fiesty at times! I guess this is the strength that got him so far. He weighed 1 pound 15 ounces at birth and almost 6 months later (adjusted age: 13 weeks) he weighs 11 pounds 15 ounces.

I meant to write during the 11 weeks I was home with Wesley, and yet, I didn’t often have a free hand, and when I did, I was too tired.

Born @ 27 weeks 5 days gestation,
7 weeks in the NICU,
3 weeks in a Special Care Nursery

I did manage to write a 1500-word essay called “Liquid Gold,” which I adapted from a previous blog entry called Pumping, Pumping, Pumping) and submitted it to Real Simple magazine’s “when did you first understand the meaning of love” essay contest. This essay is about milk! Breast milk, specifically. About my experience expressing breast milk around-the-clock for almost three months, for my tiny baby who was too weak to eat on his own.

(Protecting my milk supply, by the way, is the most important thing I have ever done. If today was my last day, this is the one thing that I would be the most proud of, the one thing I would never change, and I would do it all over again if I had to.)

I think I wrote most of the milk essay in my head, during many hours in the rocking chair nursing Wesley. Then I managed to type most of it one-handed. When Wesley was that little he needed to either be held or fed (or both) virtually all the time. After the essay deadline, fatigue from sleep deprivation set in, and Wesley's colic intensified and didn’t begin to subside until he was about 7 weeks adjusted age. During that time, everything in my life disappeared except for my daily walks with Wesley, and feeding, holding, soothing, and rocking.

I Just Love His Facial Expressions!


During this week of Thanksgiving, I am filled with gratitude. For me, being a parent is at once the best and the most difficult thing ever. Just when I think I don’t have the strength to continue, Wesley smiles or giggles and everything that I’m worried about just recedes into the background. Perspective. I have gained instant, clear perspective, even during complete chaos.

I always think of the phrase, "this too shall pass." Almost as quickly as a really bad day develops, a new, amazing day takes its place. I try to enjoy the present moment, whatever it may be. Just the other day, we were talking about how quickly 6 months have passed, and Chuck said, "To tell you the truth, I don't even remember how it was before we had Wesley." He couldn't have said it any better.

Pumping, Pumping, Pumping

I have gotten a second job. It doesn’t pay well and requires lots of nights and weekends. In fact, it requires around the clock work.

Medela Symphony


“Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh.” I hear this sound even in my sleep. It’s the muffled, repetitive suctioning sound of the Medela Symphony, a state of the art hospital grade double electric breast pump. It’s a bright yellow thing, about three feet high, on wheels. Much better looking than the antiquated Medela Lactina I had to rent from Mayo for home use. The Lactina is a bright blue square thing with a yellow pumping widget inserted on the front that just looks like it shouldn’t be there, or like it’s cobbled together from spare parts.

The room is small and dark, complete with a dimmer switch for the lights, as well as a radio, rocking chair, sink and cleaning supplies. I now spend a lot of my time in rooms like these. Pumping rooms, we call them. Each pumping session takes about a half an hour per session, 10-12 pumping sessions every 24 hours. This amounts to pumping every 2-3 hours, except for one four hour stretch during the night so I can sleep a little. I calculate that this amounts to about 33 hours of work per week.

Why? Because my baby cannot nurse yet. Due to hormonal levels, you only have a two week window after birth to establish your milk supply, so you must begin pumping right away if your baby cannot nurse. Thereafter, you must pump to maintain your milk supply (it’s all supply and demand), pumping frequently much the way a newborn would nurse.

No wonder why I’m tired! Don’t get me wrong, I am not complaining, but rather marveling at this new, alternate universe I now live in. My concept of breast feeding was based on the experiences of friends and co-workers, all who had full-term babies. I saw that working moms generally pumped twice per day, once in the morning and once in the afternoon and I thought, I can do that. Plus it’s the best thing for the baby, and it’s free. Free? Now I have to admit, that dollar amount on formula doesn’t seem so expensive anymore compared to working another full time job!

I am attached to my breast pump. Pumping every 2-3 hours, this guideline is from start to finish, so by the time I’m done with one pumping session I only have 1.5 to 2.5 hours until the next session. It’s challenging to cram everything else into these small sockets of time, such as the two hour drive from the hospital to our home, kangaroo care with Wesley, dealing with the never ending amounts of paperwork and phone calls that need to be made, hosting visitors, etc….I barely do one thing and it’s already time to pump again.

I recently started working 1-2 days a week, to conserve some of my paid time off for when Wesley comes home. But with my pumping situation, working is quite the process! Before I went back to work, I asked one of the nurses in the neonatal ICU if I could use my Medela Pump In Style (the small, discreet kind of breast pump that comes in a black shoulder bag) while working.

“That pump is not for a mom with a baby in the hospital,” she replied sternly. “That pump is for a working mom who only has to pump twice a day.”

Medela Lactina



And so I cart a suitcase to work with me, complete with the Medela Lactina and a plethora of other equipment required.



I also calculate that for now, I am barely keeping up with Wesley’s needs. Right now, he eats 1 ounce every three hours, eight times per 24 hours, for a total of 8 ounces. I recently started tracking it and I was pumping about 12 ounces of milk per 24 hours. I gasped. All that work for 12 ounces! And will I even be able to keep up with him?



I flew into a frenzy, calling lactation consultants and researching ways to increase my milk production. I would be so disappointed if I lost my milk supply before he is even able to start nursing. After adding—yes, more pumping sessions—and making sure I’m hydrated and eating more, this week I am up to almost 16 ounces per 24 hours. Ideally, I should be at 19 or more ounces. I also produce more milk when I have direct contact with Wesley, such as after kangaroo care. (I also wonder if my lower milk production is partially due to the fact that I am separated from my baby.) Take fenugreek, the lactation consultant told me. This is an herb that is known to increase milk supply by increasing prolactin levels. This is my next step. She also encouraged me, saying that milk supply often increases on its own after the baby starts nursing. No electric pump can remove milk from the breast as efficiently as a baby can, isn’t that amazing?! Once again, it’s all supply and demand.



But regardless of the time required or the amount of milk you can produce, the benefits of breast milk in any amount are undeniable. Did you know that a woman’s body produces milk uniquely suited for the age of her baby? In other words, when Wesley was born at 28 weeks, I produced milk specifically formulated for a 28 week old baby, rather than for a full term baby. Isn’t that amazing? Pre-term milk is higher in calories, protein, and fats, as well as an enzyme that helps digest the fats. Pre-term babies have trouble digesting fats, particularly the fats found in formula.



Providing breast milk is the one thing I felt I could do for him. Even when he was in an isolette, and I couldn’t hold him without enlisting the help of at least two nurses, I could always produce his milk and know that I was doing something he really needed. In the beginning, he received only one milliliter of milk every three hours and now he is receiving 33 milliliters (about an ounce) of milk every three hours, still through a tube inserted in his nose and stomach. In six weeks, Wesley has grown from 1 pound 15.3 ounces to just under four pounds. He is making steady gains every day, in addition to now breathing independently and maintaining his body temperature, which means he is now in a bassinette and we can pick him up and hold him whenever we want. I love knowing that I played a role in helping him thrive.



But I am getting anxious. I really want to feed him. The pumping thing is getting old. It’s a machine. Right now the closest I have to feeling like I am feeding him is by holding him while he receives his 33 milliliter “bolus feed” via a pump attached to his feeding tube.

We have tried breastfeeding three times now. Still no luck. Recreational breast feeding, the nurses call it. One night the nurses were laughing hysterically because one of the new resident doctors wrote the order for recreational breast feeding as “the mother may recreate at her breast.” Anyhow, I guess “recreational breast feeding” means that we still haven’t gotten the hang of it. He’s still not quite ready…so far Wesley gets sleepy very quickly and not much happens. It’s more of a “getting to know you experience” the nurses say. We are told to practice “recreational breast feeding” once per day. Thus the pumping sessions continue, to maintain the milk supply until Wesley is ready to eat.

So for now, I keep pumping, pumping, pumping.

Everything I Know About Wesley

Wesley James really shocked us with his early appearance on June 3rd (his due date was August 26th). In the middle of our labor and delivery class at the hospital, I felt a warm gush and I hoped I had peed my pants. Not so much. It was a “premature rupture of the membranes” at 28 weeks and suddenly I had a helicopter ride, c-section, and a tiny baby in neonatal intensive care…so many things happened so fast and so unexpectedly, there is a large, blurry hole in my life between the day after Memorial Day and just recently. But that is another story…for now I want to give an update on little Wesley.

First Father's Day

Wesley is almost four weeks old and weighs 2 lbs 11.8 ounces (up from his birth weight of 1 lb 15.3 ounces). He is stable and just needs to grow, grow, grow. His main issues are feeding, weight, and breathing. When talking about going home, Wesley’s nurse Chelsea said it’s not so much the weight that holds you back, it’s the feeding and the breathing. He needs to progress in these areas before we could go home, which still seems to be a long way off. Doctors have told us to expect that he will go home around his due date, which was August 26th.

There are ups and downs. I learned to expect this when my mom was in the hospital six years ago. Still, it’s hard! Two weeks ago Wesley was up to 2 lbs 4.7 ounces and then he lost weight three days in a row so he was down to 2 lbs 3 ounces. It’s hard not to obsess about every ounce. The doctors had lab work done when he had lost weight for the third day in a row, and after waiting, waiting, waiting…everything came back normal. It’s hard to see him poked and prodded, and then wait for all the results, worrying. But by the end of the week he was back up to 2 lbs 4.3 ounces.

The same week in which Wesley was losing weight, he seemed unusually drowsy and was having more spells with his breathing (apnea, more about that shortly). Doctors determined that his hemoglobin was low and he needed a blood transfusion. They said the low hemoglobin was probably because of all the blood draws they had to do to check blood sugars and various other things. They draw Wesley’s blood and then he is so little he can’t keep up with making new red blood cells. Around the same time, they removed Wesley’s IV line (from his belly button/umbilical cord, through which they administered glucose, lipids, etc. until he was ready to receive breast milk). Sometimes these things just seem so invasive…when he is being poked and prodded I have to fight back the tears. I know that he is receiving the best possible care, but sometimes I wish I could just grab him out of his isolette and take him home.

As for feeding and weight gain, Wesley is up to 11 CCs (mLs)/hour of breast milk feeding (he has a tube in his mouth). He has 3 hours of feeding with one hour of rest and then this cycle repeats itself. After each cycle they check to make sure he has digested all the milk. They are adding some fortifiers to his milk to give it more calories...and it seems to be working. This week his average daily gain was 19 grams, up from 9 grams the week prior (they like to see an average gain of 20-30 grams/day). The nurses have told me that he will probably show signs that he is ready to breast feed around 34-35 weeks, which would be mid to late July.

Wesley’s breathing is stable—after he was born, he was intubated for only about 24 hours, then moved to another type of breathing assistance known as a CPAP for a few days, and now is on a high flow nasal cannula, which consists of two prongs in his nose that send a combination of room air and some oxygen when he needs it. He has periods of apnea, where he forgets to breathe, and periods of tachypnea, where he has labored breathing. The doctors say he will outgrow this as his lungs mature, but for now they have to monitor it closely. Wesley is receiving caffeine, which is a respiratory stimulant, to help with his apnea. The doctors are also now trying to wean him from the cannula, by slowly reducing the amount of air flow that the cannula provides.

Kangaroo care!

There have been days when the doctors tell me scary things. That Wesley needs to have head ultrasounds to check for brain bleeds and other scary sounding things like periventricular leukomalacia (a brain injury that preemies can have). I sit and wait for the results, worrying. Everything has come back normal, just some “immaturity of the brain,” which is consistent with his age.

But they also tell me he could have vision problems and he could have growth problems later on and may need to take growth hormone. Maybe, maybe not, they say. I agonized over this for a while and then I just decided to take it day by day. I cannot worry about things that could happen down the road. He will have eye exams beginning soon, which sound very invasive, involving instruments that hold the eyelid open. There are treatments they can offer to help his vision if they find something abnormal. Otherwise, they wouldn’t do the exams, they assure me.

The nurses are absolutely amazing and I am so thankful that they are amazing educators as well as caregivers! I had to tell them that I was registered for a “newborn basics” class but I missed it, due all of these unexpected events. I barely knew how to change a diaper, much less on a two pound baby with an IV coming out of his belly button and various cords attached to him! They have helped me learn so much already.

Necklace from my friend Shannon

I am feeling better every day. Mostly I am just tired. But I do not have much pain from the c-section anymore and I am off the pain medication. I am pumping breast milk every two hours around the clock and it is much more difficult than I imagined, mainly just due to exhaustion. (I am not complaining though, I am so happy that I am able to do this for him!) I am still staying at the Ronald McDonald House, which is an amazing place (more on this later). I am touched, comforted, and strengthened by the many cards, gifts, emails, visits, and prayers we continue to receive from family and friends.

Sometimes I feel like I have been teleported to an alternate universe. One moment, we were living our lives in our little house in our little town, preparing for our baby the way everyone does, and then the next moment, I live in a downtown apartment in a new city and I only see my husband on the weekends. I also mourn the abrupt ending of my pregnancy. I returned home recently and looked at all the maternity clothes hanging in the closet, which I never got to wear. The birth plan I never got to fill out. The sadness that I didn’t get to have a choice about the way everything happened. I realize these are all small things in the big picture and the most important thing is that we have Wesley and he is healthy, but I can’t help but feel a bit traumatized by the way everything happened.

New outfit from Marnie!

But everything else aside, we are just enjoying every moment with Wesley. Our first Father’s Day with him. His first bath. We’re sure we’ve seen a couple smiles. He looks different all the time. He is getting bigger! He is doing new things all the time. Recently, his fingers are finding his way into his mouth, and he tries to hold his pacifier, which is so huge compared to his tiny little hand. He has such big eyes that I swear are staring right through me.

I do kangaroo care with him every day and I believe he has come to expect it…it is our special time together. Doctors say that kangaroo care (holding him skin-to-skin) is the best thing we can do for him other than providing breast milk. During kangaroo care, he sleeps deeply and hearing my heart beat and feeling the warmth of my skin makes him feel like he is back in the womb.



Just after his first bath



The NICU is always busy, full of many babies and many families, and all the alarms from the monitors that track the heart rate, breathing, and oxygen saturation on all the babies, but we settle in during kangaroo care, mostly napping in our recliner. But sometimes I whisper things in his ear. Just yesterday I learned that Wesley will likely graduate out of his isolette and into a crib at the end of this week. I asked Wesley if he thought he could meet the 3 lb milestone this week as well. Then I told him he can have a puppy when he gets older, and I imagined him going fishing with his dad and his puppy. And I told him, we’ll be home soon…we have so many things we need to do.

Wisconsin Great Northern Railroad: Spooner Train Ride

Me and Carley



I just have this thing for trains. I don't know why. I am intrigued by them.

This was one of the deals I blogged about on Eau Claire Consumer - dinner and a train ride for four on the Wisconsin Great Northern Railroad in Spooner, Wisconsin. And I just have to say, this was a really neat experience.

It rained all day and then miraculously, just before we set out for Spooner, Wisconsin, the rain stopped and the sun came out during our beautiful train ride.

I was surprised to see the Wisconsin Great Northern Railroad and the Spooner Depot mentioned in this MSN article, All Aboard Eight Great Railways.

Me and Chuck

The article says, "The history of the Wisconsin Great Northern Railroad provides a viewfinder into the glory days of railroading, when more than 20 daily passenger trains were greeted by one of the Upper Midwest's most majestic depots in Spooner, Wisc. Seventy-five percent of the town once worked for the railroad, and no less a dignitary than the future King Edward VII of England once disembarked. Today, a coupling of local train enthusiasts maintain the Wisconsin Great Northern Railroad, which has expanded to daily summer service from what remains of the Spooner depot and includes the new Bed & Breakfast Train, inviting passengers to dine, sleep and breakfast aboard the train, an impressive feat for a scenic railroad."



Carley and Jesse



It is interesting to think about the history of the railroad--what it meant to individual towns and to our country as a whole. To think it was once the main mode of transportation, even transporting the King of England, and yet the Spooner Depot seemed to be as much of a train graveyard as it was a bustling little depot during the Saturday night we embarked on our journey. The depot was littered with abandoned trains and other machinery and things that hadn't been used in years, yet the dining car was full that night.

I enjoyed the time on the train, time with friends, and some good food (especially the cheese and crackers tray). More pictures from our night are below.



My Dinner

A view of the Namekagon River

Namekagon River

Chuck

A view of the highway that we paralleled for part of the journey

Collisions

http://www.flickr.com/photos/waferboard/

I have been putting off some of my writing because I haven't wanted to deal with some very extreme emotions that I’ve been experiencing over the past month.

The other day I was standing on the campus mall, waiting for a friend to pick me up for lunch, when BANG!!! I heard a loud crash behind me.

I turned around to see a pedestrian fall face forward, landing with a loud thud as his bare hands and knees kissed the concrete sidewalk. At the same time, a man on a bicycle plummeted head first into the grass and the bike went crashing on its side down the sidewalk.

It all happened so quickly. Two people going in the same direction collided. The pedestrian couldn’t see what was coming behind him. Perhaps he shifted into the path of the bike. What a shocking feeling, to be walking along, and then SLAM! Someone just nails you from behind.

As they exchanged cordial apologies, the biker put his hat and headphones back on. Sometimes we are so oblivious to what is going on around us. And we introduce so many distractions to our lives, on top of our already distracted minds that are constantly flowing with wants, needs, and to-do lists.

Recently I tried to help a friend who is going through a divorce. I was so shocked I didn’t see this divorce coming. Like the pedestrian-bicycle collision, it just hit me from behind with no warning. Why couldn’t I have seen how unhappy she was? Why didn’t I understand that her distance and isolation meant she needed help? It broke me to think of how long she had struggled and suffered alone, without help.

She was without clothes or basic possessions, so I went to her house to get a few things for her. It was a strange and sad and desperate feeling, trying to fill up one bag of items in the few minutes her husband would allow. What do you take? Surrounded by her pictures, clothes, jewelry, shoes, books, and various items, I quickly threw clothes and toiletries into the bag, as much as I could fit. Then I spied “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle on her dresser. Should I take it, I wondered. I grabbed it and shoved it into the bag. She will need this, I thought to myself.

I never fully realized how important that book was to me until this moment. Yes, I can see now, that in an extreme situation, I will choose to take Eckhart Tolle along with basic life necessities. When I was broken, this book opened me back up, just by helping me to change the way I think about things.

A few weeks later, I was talking to her on the phone, and she mentioned she was continuing the book, a little at a time. Yes, it’s that kind of book, I told her. You have to read little bits at a time and then give it all time to digest. She was dealing with her sadness, starting to make future plans and think about starting a new life of her own. The kind of life she had always wanted.

In the meantime, I worry about her safety, finances, legal issues, and more. I feel limited in what I can do for her because of my pregnancy…I’m not used to this. It frustrates me. I want to do more.

Sometimes, when I’m walking on the campus mall, I remember the collision. And I think of all the collisions that could happen. But my goal is not to fear all the collisions that could happen. Just focus on the moment. That’s what Eckhart taught me.

I blogged about two of my favorite Eckhart stories in a previous post, Ducks Crossing. Check it out.

Cranberry Wine, Rhubarb Wine, Dandelion Wine...

The fun thing about our annual family homemade Christmas exchange is that we get to work on it all year! Last fall we froze about 40 pounds of cranberries and 20 pounds of grapes, and I also had about 10 pounds of frozen rhubarb left from my annual May harvest (all this fruit was locally grown and at no cost to us). As we were thinking of the gift exchange, we also wondered what to do with all this fruit?

About a year ago we took a winemaking class (a gift from my friend H) at a local winery called Cap N' Corks and we learned how to make wine from a juice-based wine kit (not from whole fruit). Here are some pictures of the wine we bottled (green apple) and a couple other flavors we purchased from the winery.

As part of the class, we received an instruction book with a lot of information and helpful tips about the winemaking process. The instructor also told us that he likes to make wine in the spring from last season's leftover frozen fruit. The freezing process breaks down the cell walls of the fruit, making it easier for the fruit to break down and release its juices.

Wines bottled and purchased at Cap N' Corks, winemaking instruction book from the workshop

Green apple wine that we bottled during the class

Even if you do nothing more with your wine skills after this day, the class is fun. You get to drink alot of wine. A lot. Thus, the empty bottles.

Empty bottles of wine...consumed during winemaking class!

We figured why not put our very novice winemaking skills to use and start some wine that we can bottle and give in the gift exchange? Perhaps I will give a sampler of bottled wine and Chuck will design and build his own wine rack! We invested in the winemaking kit at Cap N' Corks (about $130) that comes with most of the equipment you need, including a recipe book for making wine from juice and whole fruit.

Here are some pictures of the process we followed to start some cranberry wine.

Starting with about 18 pounds of frozen cranberries that we washed and sorted

The "must" -- a solution that includes the mashed cranberries in the mesh bag submerged in a solution of water, sugar, and other ingredients called for in the recipe

This five gallon food-safe container holds the "must" and is known as the "primary fermenter"

Adding the yeast mixture to the "must" (cranberry wine is difficult to get going so most recipes recommend that you start your yeast separately and add it to the "must" after 24-48 hours)

Checking the specific gravity of the wine using a hydrometer. The specific gravity measures the potential amount of alcohol that can be created as the yeast eats the sugar

The "must" after several days: the yeast is working because the must has become frothy

Starting to look more like wine...

The wine is being "racked" -- siphoned from the primary fermenter into a glass carboy where it will sit for 2-3 months before it is racked again, and eventually bottled

Five gallons of cranberry wine!

Five gallons of rhubarb wine, just racked

At this wine workshop the instructor also introduced us to dandelion wine, which was absolutely delicious. We went right home and picked enough dandelions for one gallon of dandelion wine. This was a whole day project that turned our fingers yellow...at that point we were too tired to start the wine and promptly threw the three quarts of dandelion petals in the freezer. So after a year, we have finally started our dandelion wine. It better be good, because I don't think either of us will be picking dandelion petals again!

Harvesting three quarts of dandelion petals for ONE GALLON of dandelion wine

100-Mile Thrift Sale Treasures

This is my favorite event that marks the kickoff of summer! I have blogged about this beautiful Mississippi River Valley area before, in my post about our Labor Day weekend tour of the Upper Mississippi River Valley and on Eau Claire Consumer, my 100-Mile Garage Sale post.

This year the weather was gorgeous--in the 70's and sunny--and we enjoyed a picnic lunch and hit most of our sales in Lake City, Minnesota, after stopping through the Alma and Nelson areas. I'm relying on these pictures to show you my treasures, as I seem to be a little short on words lately...

First stop on the 100-mile thrift sale route: Nelson Cheese Factory

Picnic lunch in Lake City, Minnesota

Scenic view in Lake City, Minnesota



1961 VW Single cab pickup that I want



Fifty cents for a book for my husband

Various thrift sale treasures: four bamboo place mats, baby sleeper, four wine stoppers, two new Ikea pillowcases

Score on baby clothes and blankets!

Twenty five cents for a baby album

The Fine Print

Please comment and/or "like" my essay - The Fine Print - on Open.Salon.com

If it gets enough interest, it might get published!

I published this previously on this blog, under the series Five Years Later, parts one through eight.

On the advice of my superb editor, Jill Costello of Costello Editorial Services, I revised this to be more of a personal essay than a piece of science writing.

I originally wrote this piece five years ago, and it has been interesting to see it evolve. In my opinion, it's the best it's ever been.

My Top Four Tips for Telling Your Own Stories

Tomorrow I am participating in a panel discussion for grandparents who are interested in writing about their experiences raising their grandchildren. We’re going to talk to them about some ideas for getting started with their writing. In doing some brainstorming, this is what I came up with. Here are my top four tips for anyone who wants to get started telling their own stories:

• Write everyday (journaling, blogging)
  I have journals at home that I use to write notes in as ideas come up. I also write in this blog, ideally 2-3 times per week. You need to write down your experiences and ideas as they occur, so you remember as much detail as possible and you can develop them further later on.
• Know your audience
  What publication are you writing for and who is the primary audience? I think the biggest mistake I’ve made with my writing is that I go entirely with my inspiration—I write full articles or essays first, and then I begin the process of looking for an appropriate publication. Half the time I end up discovering that there is no market for what I’ve written, or the piece has to be substantially re-written in order to match the needs and interests of the publication I’m pitching it to. In fact, I often end up creating various versions of the same story for different publications, much like you tweak a resume for different job applications.
• Read widely in your genre
  Are you going to write a magazine article or a personal essay? If so, become familiar with some of the publications that publish the type of writing you want to do. For example, here are a few publications that I know of that publish personal stories:

• The Sun http://www.thesunmagazine.org/
• Salon.com http://www.salon.com/
• Reader’s Digest: http://www.rd.com/submissions/article10717.html
• The Threepenny Review http://www.threepennyreview.com/index.html

And don’t forget your local publications! Sometimes a more manageable beginning goal is to write a short piece for a local magazine or newspaper…before tackling the overwhelming challenge of writing a whole book!

If you want to write a memoir, then you should read a lot of memoirs…and ideally you should know what kinds of memoirs have been published on your topic and which publishers would be interested in your topic. You will need to demonstrate an awareness of your market and how your memoir would be unique in the market, when you get to the point of writing a book proposal. Here is one publisher that is looking for personal stories from new, unpublished writers: http://www.americancarriagehousepublishing.com/submission.html

• Find/follow blogs that are related to your topic (e.g., http://www.grandparentingblog.com/ ). Also there are many blogs about writing. Marketing and selling your writing requires another entire skill set that many writers overlook! For example, you will need to write query letters to magazines to pitch your personal essays or articles. You would need to write a book proposal to pitch your memoir to a book publisher. Following writing blogs will help you develop all sorts of skills in these areas:

http://wmfreelancewritersconnection.com/
http://www.makealivingwriting.com/
http://aboutfreelancewriting.com/
http://vu.ksurf.net/calendar.html
http://www.freelancewriting.com/guidelines/pages/index.php
http://www.freelancewriting.com/magportal.php 

Finally, don't let rejections get you down. Be persistent.

Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. — Thomas Edison

I'm a Systems Thinker

Why is it so important for some people to label themselves? I went to this financial seminar at work yesterday and I was excited to learn some specific financial strategies, like how to make a good budget, best practices with saving money, or how to invest, but it was all just abstract, like how money is a social construct and it only has value because we believe it has value, and so on. I just wanted to learn something that was actually useful.

Anyway, there was this lady who kept raising her hand and talking. I don’t even remember the context in which she made this comment, because it was all so random. The first comment she made was, “I’m a systems thinker, ok…” and she kept using that term, “systems thinker.” She continued, “Being a systems thinker, I approached this problem differently than my brother, who is an attorney who makes three times more than me.” And she said that she is a “strategic planner.”

Then a little while later, the speaker was making some comments on the housing crisis and her opinion that our homes losing value isn’t really as big of a deal as we think, and the same woman raised her hand and said, “Ok, I’m a land use planner, and as a land use planner, I just have to challenge you on this point because location has a lot to do with this, and land use planners will tell you that….”

And then, we were discussing this question, why are we more likely to save $20 by mowing our own lawn than to earn $20 by mowing a neighbor’s lawn? And the same woman raised her hand and said that mowing lawn is for 14-year-old boys, and why would she, as a 40-year-old, be mowing a neighbor’s lawn…she’d be infringing on the 14-year-old’s market…and the speaker replied that this woman was trying to sound altruistic but really she just demonstrated that this isn’t just about money it’s also about prestige and the perception of who should be doing what kind of work… and that shut this woman up for a few moments, until she took the microphone back to let everyone know that although she doesn’t mow lawn, she does tap trees for maple syrup.

So, in a nutshell: Yeah, I'm land use planner, and a systems thinker, and a strategic planner, and I wouldn't be caught dead mowing the lawn because it's so beneath me, but in case that sounded snotty, just so you know, I tap trees.

As someone who goes to great lengths to avoid saying anything in front of large groups of people, or being the center of attention in any way, I can’t understand the compulsion some people have to put themselves into categories and let everyone else know what those categories are. Situations like these remind me why I often say nothing: I don’t want to risk sounding as narcissistic as others often do. It’s a balance…sometimes we should take more risks and show the world our inner light, and sometimes we just need to be quiet or think more before we speak. Or maybe now I’m the one who is labeling?

Papasans, Food Aversions, & Other Favorite Things

I got this papasan chair--intended for my office/writing space that I've been working on (pictures coming soon), and look what happened...it was stolen from me almost immediately and never made its way out of the living room...

But really, who can blame them??? It's the sunniest spot in the house. Put a fleece blanket in this papazan and they won't get up for at least sixteen hours....it's heaven for my cats.

My weird food aversions continue but they are getting better, I think... 

Although I am generally not eating meat, I did manage to make these crockpot chicken fajitas and I even ate one or two of them.

I used a combination of my friend H's technique and the crockpot chicken fajita recipe at A Year of Slow Cooking. I used chicken instead of beef, and I sauteed the peppers in a pan right before we were ready to eat, rather than adding the peppers to the crockpot. (I like my veggies more on the crunchy side, and I planned on leaving the crock pot on all day while we were at work.)

Fruit & Nut Plate

The result was great--tender, juicy chicken that shreds easily with a fork, and healthy, too.

Other than some Papa Murphy's pizza (mushrooms and tomatoes only) and Kraft Macaroni and Cheese (only the Ultimate Cheese Explosion), I'm not eating meals...scones and fruit it is! This is funny since normally I will eat anything except coconut and olives. Some days it's difficult to come up with anything I want to eat besides scones, fruit, cheese, or nuts.

Chocolate Chip Scone

Mixed Berry Scone

In other news, I had a fun shopping trip with my friend C involving some of our favorite things: Trader Joe's, Half Price Books, Chipotle, and the DSW Shoe Warehouse.

I purchased one of my last pair of Borns about ten years ago when I lived in Madison, and I just had the cracked sole glued for $5 at a local shoe repair shop (this was the best they could do...it would be cheaper to just buy a new pair of shoes, they told me). Thus, I felt I was entitled to a new pair of PURPLE Borns. Off the clearance rack. And, since they were on clearance, I got two other pairs besides these.

Having said all this, I feel that this post is relatively superficial, showcasing the enjoyment I got out of acquiring things... But sometimes you just have to go out and have a little fun. I haven't been feeling well, and I am trying to figure out--I guess--who I am even when I can't do the things I most enjoy...eating and cooking and writing. But my energy level is increasing and my nausea is decreasing. One day at a time, right?