I Would Do The Same Thing

I moved back home in 2003, and shortly thereafter I started having dinner with my Grandparents on Monday nights. We continued this tradition for many years, and during these dinners, sometimes I would ask them questions and sometimes they would tell me stories about different things.

Around the time of their 65^th wedding anniversary, I was still a newlywed, so I asked Grandpa and Grandpa for their best advice for a successful marriage.

Grandma said, "Learn to stand up for yourself."

Grandpa said, "Learn when to keep your mouth shut."

I must admit, I was expecting advice that was more along the lines of "be a good listener," but I got a nice chuckle out of this. Their response was so honest and so real. It reminded me that we all need to figure out what works for us in our relationships and they did that so well for 69 years.

During one of our Monday night dinners, my Grandpa showed me an old black and white composition notebook, the kind with a spot to write your name. On the cover, for name, he’d written, “Life of Ken Lehman.”

On these pages, he writes about growing up near Alma and Cochrane, attending a one room schoolhouse he called “Little Blue Bell,” and working on his parent’s farm until he was 21.

He talks mostly about specific events, like his first job hauling livestock to St. Paul and his first 1957 Chevy. He talks about love in only one spot. When he gets to the part about meeting Grandma, he writes,

“In 1943 I met my wife Carolyn Dutter. I guess it was love at first sight! We were married July 28, 1945 at Norden Lutheran Church.”

He goes on to write about their 3 children, and that he drove ready-mix trucks and dump trucks for American Materials for 40 years.

After Grandpa went to live at the nursing home, he made Grandma an anniversary card, and one of the nurses used her phone to record an audio message from Grandpa. The nurse later sent that message to me. In this message he says to Grandma,

“If I was to do it over, I would do the same thing. Love you dear, Happy Anniversary.”

These are the best things I learned from my Grandpa -- that to be loyal, and honorable, and live in such a way that you have no regrets -- these are the things that are most important.

Kenneth R. Lehman from Fuller-Speckien-Hulke Funeral on Vimeo.

My Top Four Tips for Telling Your Own Stories

Tomorrow I am participating in a panel discussion for grandparents who are interested in writing about their experiences raising their grandchildren. We’re going to talk to them about some ideas for getting started with their writing. In doing some brainstorming, this is what I came up with. Here are my top four tips for anyone who wants to get started telling their own stories:

• Write everyday (journaling, blogging)
  I have journals at home that I use to write notes in as ideas come up. I also write in this blog, ideally 2-3 times per week. You need to write down your experiences and ideas as they occur, so you remember as much detail as possible and you can develop them further later on.
• Know your audience
  What publication are you writing for and who is the primary audience? I think the biggest mistake I’ve made with my writing is that I go entirely with my inspiration—I write full articles or essays first, and then I begin the process of looking for an appropriate publication. Half the time I end up discovering that there is no market for what I’ve written, or the piece has to be substantially re-written in order to match the needs and interests of the publication I’m pitching it to. In fact, I often end up creating various versions of the same story for different publications, much like you tweak a resume for different job applications.
• Read widely in your genre
  Are you going to write a magazine article or a personal essay? If so, become familiar with some of the publications that publish the type of writing you want to do. For example, here are a few publications that I know of that publish personal stories:

• The Sun http://www.thesunmagazine.org/
• Salon.com http://www.salon.com/
• Reader’s Digest: http://www.rd.com/submissions/article10717.html
• The Threepenny Review http://www.threepennyreview.com/index.html

And don’t forget your local publications! Sometimes a more manageable beginning goal is to write a short piece for a local magazine or newspaper…before tackling the overwhelming challenge of writing a whole book!

If you want to write a memoir, then you should read a lot of memoirs…and ideally you should know what kinds of memoirs have been published on your topic and which publishers would be interested in your topic. You will need to demonstrate an awareness of your market and how your memoir would be unique in the market, when you get to the point of writing a book proposal. Here is one publisher that is looking for personal stories from new, unpublished writers: http://www.americancarriagehousepublishing.com/submission.html

• Find/follow blogs that are related to your topic (e.g., http://www.grandparentingblog.com/ ). Also there are many blogs about writing. Marketing and selling your writing requires another entire skill set that many writers overlook! For example, you will need to write query letters to magazines to pitch your personal essays or articles. You would need to write a book proposal to pitch your memoir to a book publisher. Following writing blogs will help you develop all sorts of skills in these areas:

http://wmfreelancewritersconnection.com/
http://www.makealivingwriting.com/
http://aboutfreelancewriting.com/
http://vu.ksurf.net/calendar.html
http://www.freelancewriting.com/guidelines/pages/index.php
http://www.freelancewriting.com/magportal.php 

Finally, don't let rejections get you down. Be persistent.

Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up. — Thomas Edison

A Little Patio Project

Busy. Why is the summer so busy? It seems like the winter takes so long, and I wait so patiently for summer, and then the summer just flies by. No time to write!

Last week we completed a project for my 85-year-old grandparents, who live in a condo where they have a 10' x10' patio area to customize however they'd like. The "before" picture below shows that the weeds were getting to be too much to maintain. We filled in the space with patio block. It took a half day to load and then unload about 500 pounds of brick and sand, and a twelve hour day to remove the plants, rocks, extra soil, level and fill in with sand, and lay the bricks.

Who would have thought that revamping such a small space could require so much time and money?! The final cost for supplies was around $450. But they are happy with it, and that is all that matters.

While we were there we got to experience the uniqueness of condo life, as various neighbors visited throughout the process, observing and offering insights (mostly positive, fortunately!). Grandma made a pork roast, cookies, jello, and strawberry shortcake...the weather was beautiful...Although those long hours were very tiring, I think there is something very satisfying about doing challenging, physical work, especially when you know how much it is appreciated.

Before: Too many weeds and too much maintenance required!


In progress: Extra plants removed, filled in with sand and leveled:

Final product: Bricks in, azalea bush boxed in, locking sand applied to the bricks:

Another view of the final product: