I Would Do The Same Thing

I moved back home in 2003, and shortly thereafter I started having dinner with my Grandparents on Monday nights. We continued this tradition for many years, and during these dinners, sometimes I would ask them questions and sometimes they would tell me stories about different things.

Around the time of their 65^th wedding anniversary, I was still a newlywed, so I asked Grandpa and Grandpa for their best advice for a successful marriage.

Grandma said, "Learn to stand up for yourself."

Grandpa said, "Learn when to keep your mouth shut."

I must admit, I was expecting advice that was more along the lines of "be a good listener," but I got a nice chuckle out of this. Their response was so honest and so real. It reminded me that we all need to figure out what works for us in our relationships and they did that so well for 69 years.

During one of our Monday night dinners, my Grandpa showed me an old black and white composition notebook, the kind with a spot to write your name. On the cover, for name, he’d written, “Life of Ken Lehman.”

On these pages, he writes about growing up near Alma and Cochrane, attending a one room schoolhouse he called “Little Blue Bell,” and working on his parent’s farm until he was 21.

He talks mostly about specific events, like his first job hauling livestock to St. Paul and his first 1957 Chevy. He talks about love in only one spot. When he gets to the part about meeting Grandma, he writes,

“In 1943 I met my wife Carolyn Dutter. I guess it was love at first sight! We were married July 28, 1945 at Norden Lutheran Church.”

He goes on to write about their 3 children, and that he drove ready-mix trucks and dump trucks for American Materials for 40 years.

After Grandpa went to live at the nursing home, he made Grandma an anniversary card, and one of the nurses used her phone to record an audio message from Grandpa. The nurse later sent that message to me. In this message he says to Grandma,

“If I was to do it over, I would do the same thing. Love you dear, Happy Anniversary.”

These are the best things I learned from my Grandpa -- that to be loyal, and honorable, and live in such a way that you have no regrets -- these are the things that are most important.

Kenneth R. Lehman from Fuller-Speckien-Hulke Funeral on Vimeo.

65 Years

Recently my grandparents celebrated their 65th wedding anniversary. In a time when the American divorce rate is roughly 50 percent, this is an extraordinary milestone. At three years, I'm still somewhat of a newlywed, especially in comparison to their achievement, so I asked my grandparents for their best advice for a successful marriage.

My grandma said, "Learn to stand up for yourself." My grandpa said, "Keep your mouth shut."

I must admit, I was expecting something a bit more touchy feely, something more along the lines of "be a good listener," or "make time for each other," but I got a nice chuckle out of this. And I was reminded that relationships constantly change, and we all have to find what works for us for where we're at in our lives and relationships. I hope that we all find our own best advice for successful partnerships. Do you have any advice to share?

These pictures were taken right after my grandparents met, in one of those photo booths in which you receive a strip of small photographs that you have to cut apart. My grandparents are about 20 years old here, and got married shortly after. My grandpa managed to avoid World War II on a farm deferrment--he was the oldest son and his family needed him to work the family farm near Alma, Wisconsin.




They have three children, seven grandchildren, and three great-grandchildren. My grandpa drove a cement truck and laid concrete for 40 years; my grandma worked 20 years at our local University, where I also work, and although she's been retired for 20 years, people here still remember her.

I spend every Monday night with my grandparents--it's a standing ritual that we always honor. I have learned so much from them and I consider time with them a great and special privilege.